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First-Time Mom Over 35 and 40: Pregnancy Emotional Support
By Cynthia Wilson James



If you are a first time mom over 35 and 40, finding emotional support for your pregnancy can be as be as challenging as getting a colicky baby to stop crying.

The first words out of your doctor’s mouth upon confirming your pregnancy may not be congratulations but may be statistics citing the medical history of pregnant women over age 35 which show an increased risk of: high blood pressure, diabetes, cesarean birth and chromosomal defects.  Or your doctor may suggest a series of tests available to older expectant moms or ask if your pregnancy was planned.

I wish I could honestly write that insensitiveness toward a midlife pregnancy is limited to the medical community but the purpose of this article is to encourage you as you deal with “pregnancy” reality.

You will be hit with a wide-ranged of comments stating you are too old to give birth or that you should consider the age you will be when your baby goes to first- grade, becomes a teenager, get married and so forth from well meaning relatives and friends to strangers.

How do you handle so much negativity during a time when you are most vulnerable? The first tip to remember is that the hormone changes the body undergoes during pregnancy is not just physical, it is emotional as well. 
Translation: comments that you wouldn’t have given a second thought during your pre-pregnancy state may send you in tears during pregnancy.  This is true regardless of whether you are a pregnant woman age 22 or age 42.  Numerous expectant dads have testified to this during my childbirth education classes. I’m sure, if given the chance, my husband would concur with this statement, too. 

Having a supportive friend, ideally one who is a first time mom over 35, you can talk to about your ups and downs will be invaluable during this time.  If you don’t have this luxury, consider enlisting the services of someone like myself, a coach/consultant who specializes in midlife motherhood issues to help you.

Next, be encouraged by remembering that these medical studies citing the risk factors for pregnant women over 35 and 40 are based on the results of midlife pregnant women as a group. The studies are not based on your individual history. The truth is any pregnant woman of any age may experience high blood pressure, diabetes, cesarean birth and chromosomal defects. Thanks heavens, the majority of babies born today are healthy.

Make every effort to follow the advice of your doctor which should include getting plenty of rest, eating healthy, refraining from smoking, drinking alcohol, and taking anything that is toxic to your body or your unborn child. 

And when well-meaning folks cite how old you will be in five years when your baby enters first grade or thirteen years when your baby goes to college, ask them how old you will be in this length of time if didn’t give birth.  Hopefully, they’ll get the point.  We grow older whether or not we pursue motherhood or other dreams in our late 30s or 40s.  Therefore, it’s important to make our lives count. Personally, I believe the adage, “Your life is a gift from God, what you do with it is your gift back to Him.”
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