"support for first time moms over 35"
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Featured Mom:> inspiration from other first-time moms over 35
LISA BRUCHAC MARCH-APRIL 2011 FEATURED MOMAge: 43
State currently living in: New York
Current or former profession(s): Speech Pathologist; certified health and wellness coach
PREGNANCY
InSeason Mom: How long were you trying to get pregnant?
Lisa: Several months
InSeason Mom: What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 35?
Lisa: After several months of trying to conceive, I got pregnant only to miscarry at 5 weeks. At that point, I started going to a nutritionist to cleanse and balance my system to achieve a baby-ready-body. I also did some energy clearing work to make sure there weren’t any subconscious beliefs blocking me from becoming pregnant. We stopped “trying” to get pregnant for several more months until I felt like my body was ready. I got pregnant in the fourth month when we started trying again.
SUPPORT
The Medical Community
InSeason Mom: How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy? Were you surprised by their reaction? Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?
Lisa: I started my pregnancy in a traditional OB-GYN medical practice. What surprised me the most about my visits was the way I did not feel listened to. I felt they pushed their agenda onto me and expected me to go along with their ideas. I even had the office manager call and confirm an appointment with a genetic specialist and I didn’t even know the office had scheduled one. I declined and had to explain to the nurse practitioner why. I did not feel comfortable when constantly bombarded with all the risks involved with having a baby over 40.
The other issue was that I saw only the nurse practitioner at every appointment and she didn’t even deliver so I wasn’t able to have any of my questions about the actual birth answered. I had one brief appointment with the practice’s midwife and was again pressured to have certain tests done. I didn’t want to make any decisions based on fear. So I had to continually tune out the external stimuli in order to go within and make decisions based on what I really needed or wanted.
Finally, at 5 months pregnant and frustrated, I spoke with a midwife in my town who suggested a home birth. I was a little skeptical, but thought we should at least meet with the midwife she recommended. My husband and I met with her for over an hour and were very pleased with her calm demeanor and attitude toward childbirth. She provided information in a way that allowed me to make my own decisions. It was more of a partnership than the traditional doctor-patient relationship. Once I switched, my pregnancy was so much calmer and I worried less.
Family and Friends
InSeason Mom: Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy and why?
Lisa: I couldn’t wait to tell my husband. I handed him the positive pregnancy test.
InSeason Mom: What was the reaction of friends and family when you told them about your pregnancy?
Lisa: They were very excited.
LABOR AND DELIVERY
InSeason Mom: Did you take any childbirth classes? Why or why not?
Lisa: No. I read a lot of books. I didn’t feel that a lot of the birthing classes focused on natural childbirth or the mind-body-spirit connection. The whole experience to me was very spiritual and I read a lot of books that focused on that aspect.
InSeason Mom: Where did you give birth?
Lisa: At home with my husband, midwife and doula.
InSeason Mom: What do you remember most about the birth experience?
Lisa: I remember all of it. Labor was intense and I didn’t progress as quickly as I would have liked. But in the end, both my baby girl and I were safe and healthy. And when she was placed on my chest, I felt an incredible surge of love and vulnerability. It was truly amazing.
I AM A MOM
InSeason Mom: What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you compensate for this fear?
Lisa: The fears that have come up for me have to do with worrying about how old I’ll be when she’s a certain age. I would constantly think, “When she’s 10 I’ll be 52 or when I’m 60 she’ll be 18”. I had to let that go. She’s an inspiration to me to stay healthy and active. So now I focus on those things that I can control.
InSeason Mom: What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?
Lisa: The time I get to spend with her. My priorities are very different from when I was in my 20’s or 30’s. I am also more confident in who I am at this age and how I want to raise her.
InSeason Mom: How has becoming a mom changed you?
Lisa: It’s been an amazing healing for me. She has taught me so much. She brings me back to the present moment so often I find myself staying there longer than I used to.
InSeason Mom: What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?
Lisa: Be as healthy as you can be. Make healthy choices to eat right and exercise. Don’t overlook emotional healing work as well. There is definitely a connection between mind-body-spirit. And I believe this can impact fertility at any age.
InSeason Mom: Any additional comments?
Lisa: I highly recommend interviewing your potential caregivers. I believe it is so important to be comfortable and validated. I believe in listening to ones own heart when making decisions, but having the right information presented in a gentle and unbiased way is crucial.
InSeason Mom would like to thank Lisa for being an inspiration to moms across the world!
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Lisa with then one day old Ava!
