www.InSeasonMom.org
"support for first time moms over 35"
Overwhelmed by the getting pregnant over 35 or 40 resources?
By Cynthia Wilson James “Just doing a search on the topic of fertility offers overwhelming info (and unnecessary worry) to women: toxins in food, water, air, clothing, buy classical tape packages to stimulate the brain waves, do yoga, could be your hormone level, cell phones influence fertility, etc. It's enough to make a person nuts!” Future InSeason Mom over 40
As publisher and founder of InSeason Mom.org, which is dedicated to providing support as well as dispelling misconceptions about pregnancy over 35 and 40, I have become concerned about the thousands of get pregnant resources and frauds targeting want-to-be moms over 35 and 40. Here are tips to help you sort through the overload:
1)Let the buyer beware
According to The Free Dictionary by Farlex, this is a Latin term warning that notifies a buyer the goods he or she is buying are "as is," or subject to all defects. When a sale is subject to this warning, the purchaser assumes the risk that the product might be either defective or unsuitable to his or her needs. The purchaser must examine, judge, and test a product considered for purchase.
Research shows that women over 35 and 40 who have given birth or are seeking to give birth have doubled in the past few years. We are among the best educated and earn the highest income. Yet, our hearts ache to become mommies. Desire + income = perfect target for money-seeking con artists.
Con artists feed on our vulnerabilities. Therefore, when we’ve examined, judged and test a product and found it defective based upon the claims of the seller, don’t be afraid to challenge the seller or ask for a resolution.
2)One size doesn’t fit all
A close relative of the buyer beware is the one size doesn’t fit all rule. When examining any fertility product or service, don’t let your heart lead your head in your purchase.
Take a minute to consider the reason you think a product is right for you. What are your expectations from the product?
My first suggestion is to get a physical examination from an objective medical doctor before trying any fertility product or service.
Dr. Edward Hughes, a McMaster University professor of obstetrics and gynecology and fertility, echoed this same idea in an interview about age and fertility. "Biology isn't black and white. Everybody is different. Individuals can have fertility declines earlier or later.”
3)Stay away from promises of pregnancy within a short time or guarantees
The advertisements would be ridiculous if they didn’t set out to prey on women at their weakest.
“Get pregnant within hours of purchasing (insert product name).”
I know about wanting to get pregnant fast. The minute after getting married at age 40, I set my pregnancy clock. When I wasn’t pregnant, nine months after saying “I do,” I became frustrated. Why was everybody getting pregnant except me?
If you are receptive to the “get pregnant fast” advertisement, remember many medical experts say on the average it can take a woman under 35 up to year to conceive after getting off birth control.
4)Take a break and make passionate fire-cracking love
My best friend Lisa who’s a strong Christian is a guru on this topic. She is not shy about her expectations about her future marriage. “I’m a very sexual being. He better be ready because it’s going to be on and cracking!”
I love and appreciate her spirit and her fire. Unfortunately, when giving birth becomes the center focus of having sex with your husband, a woman begins to feel like this is one of her many chores, another item on her “to do list’ to check-off.
Take a break from researching all the getting pregnant resources. Enjoy a date night and passionate fire-cracking love with your husband. Believe me when you have a baby, there won’t be much time for date night or fire-cracking lovemaking.
5)Consider adoption
After I didn’t get pregnant at the set time I allotted, my husband and I considered adoption.
While I didn’t then and still don’t know any of the legal process in adoption, I do know the emotional side. More than 20 years ago, I went with one of my best friends to pick up her adopted son, a beautiful newborn. The loving relationship between my single female friend and her son has served as a model for how I view adoption.
Another positive model for me is a woman who struggled years with infertility. She often wondered whether God was punishing her. After many years, the over 35- year-old woman adopted a handsome baby boy. Would you believe a year after the adoption, she and her husband gave birth to handsome baby boy?
From her, I learned two lessons. The first is sometimes when you are stressed out about having a baby, your body can’t relax and take its natural course. Stress is major inhibitor to getting pregnant.
The second lesson I learned is the love you give always comes back to you. This woman wanted to be a mommy. Through adoption, she received the gift of a baby who needed a mommy. Because she was so receptive and open to loving her first gift, she was sent another unexpectedly gift of a newborn.
6.Reconnect with the God of the Universe
I wish it were possible to hug and comfort every woman over 35 and 40 who desire motherhood. I understand your fear of growing too old to have a baby. I understand your pains and your frustrations. While I can offer you helpful resources and tips on my website….www.inseasonmom.org I can’t offer you support 7 days a week for 24-hours a day.
Therefore, I invite you to connect with the God of the Universe who can. The most helpful thing to me when I gave birth—without assisted reproductive technology-- for the first time at age 42 to a beautiful girl and again at age 44 to another beautiful girl was taking time daily talking and thanking God… time in peace.
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